one.

You arrived one year ago today, on 11/12/13.  I was supposed to be induced at 5 am, but at 1:15 am, I went into labor.  I was almost ready, just not quite, because I thought I still had a few more hours to “sleep” (you know, that 9 months pregnant sleep isn’t really sleep anyway).  But, you were ready, so off to the hospital we went.

We made it to the hospital, settled in, I had my epidural, and shortly after that the doctor said it was time to start pushing.   The tears welled up in my eyes and when the nurse asked what was wrong, I remember telling her that I was almost ready, just not quite.  I wasn’t ready to be done with pregnancy (yes, as uncomfortable as it is at the end, I wanted to keep you safely inside for just a little longer).  I wasn’t quite ready to share you with the world.  But, you were ready, so I started pushing and 10 minutes later, at 4:18 am, there you were.

When the doctor laid all 8 pounds and 4 ounces of you on my chest and I heard your screams (they were LOUD), I breathed a huge sigh of relief.   We found out while I was pregnant with you that you only have one kidney.    You are ok, you just might not be a star NFL player, but let’s be honest, that probably has nothing to do with the 1 kidney thing, as much as the overprotective mommy thing.  I stared down at your face and in an instant I knew that you were going to change my world.  Change THE world.   And when the nurse was ready to take you and clean you off, I was almost ready, just not quite.  But you were ready, so off you went.

The first time you smiled, and rolled over, and giggled, and ate solids, and grabbed for toys, and sat up, and scooted on your belly in a circle, and crawled, and pulled up to your knees, and then to your feet, and said “mama,” and looked up at me while nursing, and held tightly onto my finger, and laughed so hard at your big sisters, and arched your back making it next to impossible to get you into your car seat, and clapped, and blew kisses by putting one finger to your lips, and waved… Well, guess what?  I was almost ready, just not quite.   But you were ready, so you went right ahead and did all of those things.  I do love those milestones.  I really do.  When you do something new, I see your pride, I watch your nose crinkle up and I see your big grin, and I am so proud of you.   But each one of those milestones also reminds me that you are growing up, and to be completely honest with you, I’m not quite ready.

Now that you are a one year old, I am absolutely, positively NOT READY.   And even though your big sisters keep correcting me and telling me that you are a “big boy,” you should probably prepare yourself because I will be calling you “my baby” for an indefinite period of time.   I know, without a doubt, just how ready you are to continue learning new tricks.  And since the last six years of parenthood have taught me that once I became a parent, it is most definitely no longer just about me, I will smile and cheer for you while you continue to do all of these new things that you are so ready to do.  Even if, on the inside, I am not quite ready.

Happy Birthday, Asher Dylan Hearn (aka ADH, pal, bubs, Asher D, bubsaloots, stinky boots, bubba, and a whole lot more nicknames that are equally as embarrassing).  You have changed my life in ways I never knew possible.  You have shown me just how little sleep a human can really survive on.  But you have also been the greatest addition to this family that we ever could have imagined.

I am trying really hard to get ready to watch you move mountains.  Can you please just do it slowly?

And just a few more of my happy, smiley baby.   For the record, he does not find me close to this funny.  I owe all of the smiles to his goofy sisters who have the perfect way of making him laugh.

And, if you are still with me, how about a few more?   Yep, an extremely photo heavy post!  Enjoy 🙂